The crash comes after a high.

So I got a letter today telling me
that I got rejected for a travel scholarship
that uni offers for people travelling in the summer.
and I didn't get it ):

i kinda was counting on that for my main
source of funding this summer.
my initial reaction was one of disappointment
and asking WHY?!!

but after the tears and i realised that
I've already got 500 pounds given to me
and someone out there probably needs it more than I do.
and also, if i get it this year
I won't be able to get it next year and maybe
i'll need it even more next year?

i am rambling.

but yeah i guess there was some unhappiness
but after putting things into perspective,
i'm sure happier things will come and
I need to just trust in God's perfect timing!
(:

it's really not my best day.
I stabbed myself with a scalpel
while trying to get to the muscles of the foot
underneath all the dead skin and tough layers.
blergh, im sure i got some cadaver juice in my
thumb right now ):

but then my anatomy group and I got into
a small singalong and started singing the
HAPPIEST song i can think of- Hakuna Matata!

and then i youtubed it heard the funniest joke today.

'Hakuna Matata... it's our motto'
'what's a motto?!'
'what's the motto with you?!!'

HAHAHHAHAHA.

i love TheLionKing!
(:

so I was at LateLove last night.
LateLove is this thing run by CU
where we give out tea/coffee+biscuits to people
passing by from a night out and 70% of the people
we meet are drunk and we're just showing
God's love in a practical way.

so anyway, I was done with my shift of
standing in the freezing cold pouring tea
and was walking inside to warm my ears
when one of my other medic friends
called me over so I went without thinking.

he and this other guy were standing supporting
this really drunk girl who was lost and didn't know
where she was so we HAD to bring her home.
they didn't want to go without a girl cause
it would've looked really sleazy and bad.

so anyway we wandered up the streets
for ages and she kept chasing us away cause
she felt bad but there was NO way we were leaving her alone!
she was looking for her sister's house but
she didn't know exactly where she lived and
her sister wasn't picking up her phone
so we just wandered about for an hour looking
for nothing in particular and hoping fervently
that someone would pick up the phone
and the poor girl would have somewhere to sleep.

it was weird, cause i've never been refused help
so many times in an hour and she just kept insisting
that we leave her alone (in a nice way though) and
that she'll be fine and okay.
but with the way she was teetering on her heels,
we had to prop her up the whole way so
there was no way she was going to find home
without acquiring a major injury.

so we wandered.
and wandered about some more.

til finally she led us to this area quite far away
and to this random house and announced that
it was where she lived.
I wasn't sure whether to believe her cause
you know, people never make much sense
when they're intoxicated.

one of the guys took her key, prayed that it was right,
and turned it and miraculously, it worked!
it was such a relief knowing that she was safe home
and that at least one less person in Belfast
was stranded last night (:

i just felt this rush of something
and i know this sounds cheesy, but my heart swelled
with joy (a bit like the Grinch).

and somehow, that rush gave me more inner happiness
than anything this week (and it's been a GREAT week!)
and i'm definitely going to see into what i can
do more in this area (:

is it wrong to extract so much joy
from helping someone?

cause it would seem more hedonistic
than altruistic then right?

i don't know.
but if it makes one person go home safe
and another feel really great,
it's a pretty good night.

You give and take away.

HAPPY NEWS (: (: (:

i got 400pounds in the mail today
for the purpose of my Nepal trip
and i am absolutely over the moon.
seriously, there were actual tears of joy (:

almost the perfect day,
but the Michael McIntyre secret gig tickets
were sold out before we got to them
so I guess that was kinda disappointing.

but in light of the good news,
I actually couldn't care less.
cause the money's not just happiness,
but it's also affirmation that this is what God wants!

so i am a very happy girl today.
(and that's also because of something else that happened,
but I'll keep that to myself!)

thank You.

i know, posting two days consecutively!

you know, NI weather is seriously bipolar.
sunshiney>super windy>rainy
>hail (y?)> sunshiney.

all in the span of two hours.

seriously!!

first hand experience- dont wear a floaty summery skirt.
because when your coat is in the locker
and you're dissecting in Anatomy and the fire alarm
goes off, you have no choice but to stand out in the
unpredictable cold/hot/windy weather of Belfast
holding your skirt down cause it keeps flying up.

great ):


but yes, today is a good day.
i've been out so much lately that
i think over the last 8 weeks,
i've only have had one evening where
i was totally free and had nothing going on.

and tonight's going to be another one!
spend the whole day in the library
(which makes me feel ohsogood)
and now i've washed my hair,
getting ready to eat Adam's yummy dinner,
sitting in clean pajamas with no plans for the night
except to do more work, watch a sermon,
and SLEEP EARLY (:

what an awesome day.

rereading that- when did i start sounding like a granny?

i think prioritising is something i need to relearn.
last year i didn't have any friends so i did
loads of work and every night was a night in.
but this year, suddenly i found so many amazing friends
that i go to everything that's happening and hang out
maybe just a tiny bit too much.

i do love going out,
but i really really love my quiet time.

anyways, i've got some exciting news
that will be unveiled in a weeks time.
so watch this space (:

so yes, going back to basics.
no more flouncy links and everything,
its all just words from now on.

i've decided that i have too much
floating about in my head that i have
to write it all down and anyway
it would be nice to read back when im 70 and wrinkly
about how immature i was and how i've
grown since them (fingers crossed!)

so yeah, since only the hardcore people read this now
(yes phyebeng, i saw the comment!)
i think its pretty much safe to be honest
and not have to worry about what people think.

so yay!

so hey, nice story for future sammie.
was at church today (im so glad that i found a good church btw,
the atmosphere is so inviting and people are lovely
and most importantly, good religious views)
and there were so many cute little kids running about.

and then there was this really small girl
decked in pink tights running about and suddenly tripped.
you know the moment where kids just fall
and they don't really know whether to
pick themselves up and get on or to scream
for their nearest parent?

well right as the tiny kid crumpled her face and
got ready to scream, this equally tiny boy
came over and picked her up, and then made sure
she was okay before turning to me and flashing
this GIANT smile and ran away.

how cute is that?

its nice to have a reminder now and again
of how intrinsically good children are.

i love children.
i cannot wait for the summer so that I can
hang out with kids again and laugh.
(:

so yeah that's a nice story to brighten your day.
i've been baking all night and i am ready for bed!

have a great week everyone.

I think it's great that hardly anyone reads this anymore,
so I feel really free to indulge in any information.
well almost any, cause i know my daddy reads this.
haha!

anyways yeah i was walking along today
and somehow got an emo moment
and kinda reflected on this past year
and seriously, it's been amazing.

im really loving it here and i'm getting
more and more confident again and it's great.
but i miss home like crazy.

i hate it when people say
'oh, i couldn't do what you're doing-
i'll miss my family too much..'

well so do i!
i just push it away because it gets too hard.
it's better not to reminisce because
i really had it all back in Msia.
):

but im still so thankful for being here
and truly, it's been amazing.

anyway summer update: got my flights (almost!)
and trying to fundraise still,
thinking of good fundraising ideas but
i'm seriously not sure of what i can do just yet.
just praying that things work out and
something good happens (:

studyingwise- im pretty much dead.
i've done at least an hour's work everyday,
but i definitely still can do more.
and exits are coming soon so i really need
to get myself in motion and actually DO something!

i find it hard to save and scrimp for every penny.
i guess i've been so used to just spending carelessly
that it really gets hard to keep in mind
that i really need to save and i need to
be conscious of my spending!

i know it's been a jumble of thoughts
but this is really emotional diarrhoea for me
(for lack of a better term!)
and i really should get a journal.

til next time.

wahey!

summer plans status: 75% finalised.

teaching in nepal.
REALLY exciting stuff!

so this is the stage where i start worrying
about finances and flights and practical
things like that- and boy am i swamped with this.

because the organisation im with only
arranges where im going to volunteer, the
logistical stuff is pretty much up to me
and it is stressful!

finding the cheapest yet comfortable option
is quite ridiculous- im most prolly flying to delhi first,
and then flying to kathmandu cause
the bus from delhi to kathmandu takes 5 days.
(i def would not be able to stick it!)

i need to raise money.
badly.

people never believe me when i tell them
i'm broke and that i need to save money like crazy
cause they assume that i can just make a
phone call to my rich daddy and receive
thousands of pounds in the bank instantly.

well it's true.

especially when my parents didn't exactly
approve of this option in the first place,
it is incredibly unfair for them to fund my
summer escapades.

and since most of my salary goes to rent+food,
i'm not sure where i can find this sum of money.

but hey, if God wants me there He will provide right?

so yeah i have to raise about 1200pounds right now.
that's a rough estimate but i guess it depends
mainly on the airflights, since i'll be living
there for free (i think?) and food is provided.

so its 1200 pounds and about 4 months to raise this.
so i have to raise 300 pounds/month.
this is scary!

i'm a bit too worried at the moment
for me to be excited but IT WILL HAPPEN.

just pray okay?

and if you have 1200 pounds lying around somewhere,
maybe we can work out an agreement-
free healthcare for life?
(only if i graduate!)

more missions updates to come!